


It Cut Me Like A Knife, When You Walked Out Of My Life

by ZarryFTZouis



Series: Chrissy's Oneshots [97]
Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Heartbroken Grimmy, M/M, Sad Ending, because memories flashbacks, but there's still smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-04 02:03:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZarryFTZouis/pseuds/ZarryFTZouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Title kinda suggests it all, but) Harry and Nick break up and Nick goes through all the happy memories they've shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Cut Me Like A Knife, When You Walked Out Of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> May have been a result from a (couple) panic attack(s) and an emotional breakdown.
> 
> Title from Rihanna's "Cry".

_"I'm sorry I'm possessive. I'm sorry I'm a dick. I'm sorry I get paranoid over you all the time but please..." Nick looked at Harry with shock and terror on his face. "Don't leave me, you promised."_

  " _I think we're done. At least until we both learn to love someone properly._ _I just keep hurting you," Harry told him that night. "I just don't see a point."_

_"You've never hurt me, please just hear me out," Nick was actually on his knees, tears threatening to fall. "I just got jealous over the stage stunt you did with your bandmates. Don't leave me... please, I can't live without you."_

_"You can live without me, you've done it before." The emotionless tone Harry gave Nick scared him. "Before you've met me."_

_"No I didn't. I lied to myself that I was over you but I knew the truth. The truth was you," Nick couldn't fight back his tears now and he'd been damned if he sounded like a desperate chav. "Don't leave me..."_

_Deadly silence greeted Nick._

_"No, we're done."_

_"I'm not done with you, please give me another chance. I won't fuck it up..." Nick yelled at his ex-boyfriend. "You're the only one who ever made me feel loved. Worthy. A human being with real feelings."_

_"Find someone who will love you properly," the tears were brimming Harry's eyes too, but he kept a straight face._

_"You do, you love me like no one else ever did," now he could barely see through his tears. "Please..."_

  That was over a week ago and Nick has been a mess since then. He still needs to show up to Radio 1 Breakfast Show but when he sees the texts, about 90% of them are about the breakup between him and Harry since Harry said in a interview that he's single. Fucking Styles.

   _"Why can't you just be lonely, lo-lonely, lo-lonely? I know you need someone too, this just feels so soon,"_ some random lyrics he's heard when he was babysitting his cousin who's, like, 15 and still rebellious, emotional and impudent. The lyrics were kind of hard to forget so he doesn't surprise him that it passes through his head right now.

  "Fuck love. Fuck life!" 

  It's only three in the afternoon but Nick has a bottle of vodka in front of him. It's Friday so he hasn't any work tomorrow so yeah, whatever. The bottle is already half-empty, which should frighten him.

  That he's being a stereotypical I-just-had-my-heart-broken day-drinker, yup.

  It was so hard to go to work every weekday and listen to  _You & _ _I,_ especially with the lyrics  _"You and I, we don't wanna be like them, we can make it til the end. Nothing can come between you and I. Not even the gods above can separate the two of us. No, you and I, oh, you and I"_ and let's not forget about the fact that  _Harry_ sings the chorus. _  
_

Fucking hell.

  His mobile beeps from getting a text and no doubt it's from Matt. Ugh, his co-host has been checking up on him ever since That Night and it's a bit - _very_  - annoying. Nick is almost 30 years old, he's a grown-up who can deal with his feelings.

   ...

   ...

   ...

  By drinking a lot but that's not the point.

  "Fuck," he grouses as he reaches out to grab the bottle, tipping it over and forcing the burning liquor down his throat. It's a different kind of burn that's pleasurable, he's learnt over last several days, something that makes you forget. Right now, he needs to forget all the memories he's with  _Him._

 

**Flashback 1**

  "Nicholas Grimshaw," Harry giggled as Nick drove him to a fancy Italian restaurant he'd booked for them for the night. "I can't see a damn thing with this blindfold on!"

  "That's sort of the point," he leant over to give Harry a chaste kiss on his cheek. "You haven't any promos or concerts for this week so I thought why not take my favourite popstar out on a date?"

  "Yeah, but I wanna see you!" Harry pouted, which made Nick's heart flutter a little. "Pleeeeeeease? If this is some illegal show you're dragging me to, I'll murder you!"

  "That's even more illegal, mate," Nick retorted and just got out of his seat, then hurried over to the passenger's side and helped Harry out of his. Harry linked his arms around Nick's trusting him completely.

  Nick led Harry to the inside of the restaurant and gave the hostess his name. She gave him a little once-over, which was uncomfortable. He came out as gay couple weeks ago but people still thought there was a tad bits of him that still made him want tits and pussies.

  Not a bloody chance.

  "You got a reservation?" Harry's eyebrows were hidden in the stupid blindfold but Nick could easily guess they were furrowed together. "Where are we?"

  "Welcome to Della Flora, Harry!" Nick announced as he took off the blindfold after three-quarters of an hour.

  Harry gasped. (Of course he did, coming to think about it now, he was easily impressionable.) There was no one else in the restaurant and around the table they got, there were bunch of wild orchids, which looked beautiful. The table held a candelabra, like the one you see in the historical movies and shite.

  "May I have the honours of having this dinner with you, Mr Styles?" Nick asked with a grin that couldn't be stopped from spreading across his face.

  "Of course I will, you eejit."

  The meal courses were pre-ordered, because Nick wanted everything to be perfect.

  At the end, when the dessert came, Nick smirked because he knew what was coming.

  The server gave both Nick and Harry crème brûlées as desserts. Harry thanked her, who was giving him lust-filled gazes throughout the night. She flashed an extra friendly smile at him.

  Harry looked very surprised when he found a white note folded in a fancy way when he was halfway finished his dessert. His brows furrowed, he picked up the note and by the time he finished it, he had his mouth covered with his hand.

  "So..?" Nick ventured, very nervous.

  "Hundred times yes, Grimmy! I will be your boyfriend, you loveable idiot!"

   **Present day**

  That was in 2012, almost completely two years ago now. The memory brings fresh tears to his eyes, which he refuses to let fall down his cheeks. He's cried over this hundreds of times already but the cut in his heart still feels new.

  His first bottle of vodka is empty now and he's a second bottle in his clutch. This isn't a new thing, really. He's been drinking three to four bottles a day (well, only on weekends) now and it's a miracle he didn't get alcohol poisoning at all.

  But he wasn't lucky enough to keep Harry with me.

  Just the thought of his name makes him cry again. He can't live like this anymore but this is what he has to live with now.

  A broken heart.

   _"I know sometimes it seems like I only twist you, and maybe I'm too proud to say I missed you."_

  The person he shares the memories will forever be missed by him, he knows that much.

  They've become part of him now.

   **Flashback 2**

  They'd been together for three days now and Harry had to fly over to France for some promo shite. Nick, of course, didn't want his boyfriend to go without something to remember.

  So he called Harry over for romance movie marathon.

  Twenty minutes later, they were both cuddling in the sofa, watching  _The Notebook_ , the all-time best romance movie.

  "So, Haz..." Nick pinned Harry underneath him as the famous scene of Noah and Allie kissing in the rain was about to happen. "Will you.."

  Harry's reply was leaning up to crash his lips upon his, his hand coming up to cup the back of his neck with a soft groan. Nick cupped Harry's cheek in his hand, smiling into the kiss. After a while, Nick pulled away, with a quick peck on Harry's nose.

  "Best first kiss ever," Harry giggled, nuzzling their noses together.

   **Present day**

  Nick sighs as he sets the bottle down on the counter. He did so much for Harry but really? The love of his life - he knows he's being melodramatic but whatever - broke up with him over some stupid argument.

  Now the empty bottles of liquor keep him company.

  The second vodka bottle is almost empty and Nick has half a mind to finish it before dinner. Maybe.

  He just wants to forget about it all.

**Flashback 3**

  "For love of God," Harry giggled as Nick has been driving along for last half-hour, "will you  _please_ tell me where the fuck we're going?"  


  "But that'd spoil all the fun!" Nick swatted at Harry's thigh, maybe a little too close to his dick area. "C'mon, Harold. I promise you will like it."

  Nick didn't have to glance over to Harry to see that he was sporting a pout. It was bloody obvious his boyfriend of two weeks was pouting just because he wouldn't tell him where they were headed. He drove for another ten minutes until they were at their destination.

  "What's that for?" Harry raised an eyebrow when Nick took a mat with him. 

  "You'll see."

  They walked for twenty minutes until they reached the top of a nameless hill. They could see the stars above them if they looked up.

  "Sit," Nick told Harry as he put the mat on the grass, grinning wide. "And let's stargaze for a while."

  "I don't think I'd want to do much of stargazing," Harry mumbled as he laid next to Nick, obeying and looking up in the sky. "You're the best boyfriend ever, Nicholas Grimshaw."

  "I try my best, Harry Styles," he leant over to peck his boyfriend's cheek. "I hope I could keep you with me forever."

  "I'll be yours as long as you aren't tired of me," Harry, apparently, didn't really want to spend time stargazing because he rolled over and straddled Nick's hips, his lips hovering over Nick's, blocking out the view of the starlit sky. "Which I hope to be a long time."

  "I won't ever get tired of you, babe," Nick leant up to press their lips together. "Forever and always, Harry."

  "Forever and always."

  They kissed underneath a trillion stars until they saw the first daylight.

**Present day**

  Nick feels like shit now. Harry said forever and always but look at them now, both single. Harry took a larger part in that but that doesn't make Nick's heart any less broken. Really, he feels like he's lost everything now.

  Finchy keeps telling him he's going to find someone new soon enough but Nick thinks that's bollocks. There's never going to be another Harry Styles for him and he fucking knows it.

  He glances at the half-empty second bottle of vodka and grabs it again. Why the fuck not? He's nothing to live for without Harry. He's quick to bring the bottle to his lips and take a swig from the burning liquid.

  Yeah, this is how he lives now.

  He puts the bottle down only once there's barely any left there and reaches into his pockets to produce a pack of cigarettes. Harry never liked him smoking but he isn't here to stop him and lecture him on it anymore so yeah. He balances the fag between his lips and lights it up, then puffs out a cloud of smoke.

  Nick needs to relax.

   **Flashback 4**

  "Harold," Nick groused when Harry woke him up at 10AM on a bloody Saturday. When it wasn't the weekdays, he didn't need to wake up at godawful time of 4AM to get ready for Breakfast Show, so it only was natural for him to be grumpy when his boyfriend had terrible idea of waking him up so early. "It's not even noon!"

  "But I made breakfast for you!" Nick didn't have to open his eyes to see Harry pouting. "And I nearly burnt my finger for that!"

  "Well, that's a sign you shouldn't cook then," Nick grumbled as he threw a pillow over his head to block out Harry's voice. "Would you please let me sleep for another couple hours, babe?"

  "I. Made. You. Breakfast," Harry repeated himself slowly, like Nick couldn't understand English properly. "Now get out of the bed and eat it!"

  "But Harold," Nick complained, getting the hint that his boyfriend wouldn't leave him alone. "I need my sleep."

  "Fine, I'll just have to wake you up then."

  Nick rolled his eyes since there was no way in hell he'd wake up before noon on a Saturday.

  He was wrong.

  He heard shuffling noises and soon, his pyjama bottom was being untied and it was being tugged down. He removed the pillow from his face and looked down at Harry to see him level with his crotch. Harry looked up at him to check Nick was looking at him before tugging his pants down with his teeth, freeing his now-semi hard dick.

  "What are you doing?" Nick asked his boyfriend, who just ignored him and lapped at the tip of his dick. Nick bit back a loud moan. "Styles..."

  Harry continued to kitten-lick at Nick's hardening dick for a good measure before wrapping his lips around Nick's tip, moaning around it. Nick cursed out loud at the warm wetness, fighting the urge to thrust his cock deeper inside Harry's mouth. Harry took him inch by inch, agonisingly slowly, and Nick could feel Harry fucking smirking around his dick. Once head of Nick's dick was prodding at back of Harry's throat, he stopped and swallowed around the tip, causing Nick to moan loudly, and bucking his hips up. Harry let out a choked whimper at Nick's action but he didn't say anything. (Or rather,  _couldn't_.) Harry bobbed his head up and down, occasionally swirling his tongue against the underside of Nick's dick. It didn't take long before he gushed down Harry's throat in spurts. Harry just looked up at him as he swallowed slowly.

  "Awake now?" Harry asked in the most innocent tone he could muster.  

  "Definitely."

**Present day**

  "Fuck," Nick groans as he finishes his second cigarette. All these memories are killing him, reminding him of what - who - he doesn't have anymore. "Why did you ever wanna let me go, Harry?"

  Nick is at the breaking point, he knows he is.

  The question is, how much longer before he's broken into pieces, so tiny they can't be repaired?

  Nick lights up another fag.

  **Flashback 5**

  "Niiiiiiiiiiick," Harry called out his name for the fifth time that night. "I'm bored and you said we'd do something after we ate dinner."

  "Hold on, I'm busy."

  By busy, Nick meant that he was putting flower petals in the bathtub and a trail leading there for last twenty minutes. Like one of those stupid romance films but that was sort of the point.  He'd been keeping Harry in the living room whilst finishing the décor and Harry was becoming impatient. Nick just wanted an unforgettable first time together so yeah. They've been dating for two months so he thought it was time they'd sex.

  "Doing what?"

  Nick didn't answer and went downstairs to where Harry was waiting and blindfolded him.

  "Again?" Harry grumbled, pouting like a child. "We're at your bloody flat, Nicholas."

  "Hush, Harold."

  Nick led Harry up to his room, turned the light on, then untied the blindfold from Harry's eyes. Harry's eyes widened at the sight of red rose petals scattered on the floor leading to the bathroom.

  "So?" Nick asked, and was answered by Harry's lips crashing onto his. They kissed filthily, moving towards the bathroom. Once they were in, they removed their clothes and climbed into the tub. Nick reached over to fill up the tub, with the bubble bath.

  "Who knew you were a romantic type of person?" Harry mused out loud, currently straddling Nick's waist. "Tell me where you keep this side hidden, Mr Grimshaw."

  "For you, it will never be hidden anymore," Nick leant up to kiss Harry's lips, which turned into a proper snogging session. Harry soon began to rut his hips into him, turning him on and making his dick go hard. Nick hadn't any complaints. He just shifted around until the tip of his dick was poised at Harry's entrance and rubbed against him. "I want you now."

  "Mm, I want you too, babe," was all Harry said, rubbing his arse against Nick's length. Nick reached down to circle Harry's entrance with his fingers before probing one in, garnering a moan from Harry. He soon added a second one, scissoring Harry open with his fingers. Harry started to grind down against his fingers, panting and moaning. Nick didn't think it was possible but the sounds Harry was making made him even harder.

  "I'm ready." Harry said after a while. Nick frowned at his boyfriend. Didn't they need lube or summat? "C'mon, I'm a big boy. I can take you."

  So Nick lined himself up at Harry's entrance and pushed in, greeted by tightness. He groaned and once he was fully sheathed, he waited for the pressure around his dick, and Harry to nod and go on. Harry nodded and that was when Nick started thrusting up into Harry's tight heat. God, he felt so tight around his prick and the noises he was making was almost pornographic. (Not that Nick wanked to porns.) Harry seemed to have realised the position he was in because he started to move up and down on Nick's dick, keening and moaning, letting Nick know he was hitting him in the prostate. They moved in sync, and Nick felt the familiar tightening in the lower pits of his stomach. He wanted Harry to come with him so he started to jerk Harry off in time of his thrusts. Soon enough, they both came in unison, moaning out each other's name. Harry fell limp in Nick's arms as he pulled out, Harry's head rested atop his shoulder.

  "That was amazing," Harry smiled a fucked out smile, looking dopey. 

  "Glad it was to you as well, popstar," Nick pressed a kiss to the top of Harry's head. "'Cos if it wasn't, it would've been embarrassing for me."

**Present day**

  _Well, that was something_ , Nick thinks sarcastically as he finishes his third cigarette. _Never in a thousand years had I thought I'd almost cry thinking about sex._

  "Hell," he cusses as he rakes his gaze over to the almost empty vodka bottle. He grabs it and downs what little that's left.

  He knows it's a bad idea but he grabs his car keys anyways and goes to the garage, starts the car, then pulls his car out of the driveway.

  Nick needs a distraction and driving seems like a way to go even though he's terribly intoxicated.

 **Flashback 6**  

  "You know how dorky this is?" Nick ignored Harry as he pulled out his collection of Ironman DVD's and his Batman DVD's. "It's a Saturday afternoon and we're watching movies based off of comic books."

  "Oh hush. Like you have better plans."

  "'Love Actually'," Harry quipped, which Nick rolled his eyes at. "Don't roll your eyes at me, Nicholas!"

  "Well, I'm in mood for Batman, so beat it!"

  Half an hour into the movie, they end up cuddling on the sofa, with Harry's head rested on Nick's shoulder. Nick was currently stroking the curls, loving the way they bounce from the slightest touches.

  "Hmm, you've shit choice in movie marathons but you're lucky I love you," Harry mumbled sleepily, nuzzling his head against Nick's shoulder. He must have realised what he just said because he shuffled away from Nick. "I mean..."

  They've never said that they love each other before.

  "It's okay, Haz," Nick ran his thumb across Harry's lips lovingly. "Say it again looking into my eyes."

  "I love you," Harry repeated.

  "I love you too."

**Present day**

  Nick can't see a damn thing through his tears but he can still see enough to see the cars around him. He hasn't the slightest clue where the fuck he's headed to.

  Blinded by unstopping tears, Nick doesn't see a truck coming in his direction until it's too late to swerve around it.

  Last thing he sees before a bright white light engulfs him is an image of Harry's green eyes and his smile.


End file.
